From the farm he worked for six years plus a day or two,
Half crazed on account all the females he’d been around said, “moo” –
(And the farmer threatening if he was caught with his pants down again he’d sue)
Into town came young Johnny Babaloo.
Now Johnny couldn’t help but note that not only his work was hard
And to his dismay his idea to alleviate this condition was thwarted cuz the store was out of lard
But never one to give up he hit on every woman that was about only to find they were on guard
And a couple asked him, “What are you? Some kind of retard?”
The afternoon was almost spent,
Every woman it seemed to talked to slapped him and then speedily off and went
But then Johnny came upon a fortuneteller’s tent.
He stepped int and the woman he saw he figured was heaven sent –
The way she was dressed he had no need to the imagination be lent;
Johnny cleared his throat and said what he thought was most relevant:
“Howdy ma’am! I ain’t aimin’ to come across as rude
But since you’re tits are poppin’ out I figure you’re got the attitude
That nothing’s out of bounds since you’re practically nude
And that you won’t take offense or slap my face for being lewd –
But how do I go about getting screwed?
My balls are heavy and surely are deeply blue-hued –
If from my walkin’ funny you hadn’t already construed…”
The fortune teller looked Johnny up and down
Thinking to herself that he probably at night dressed a goat in an evening gown.
Why did she always get the twits when they come into town?
At least, she sighed, this one’s backside didn’t have that odiferous shade of splotchy brown.
“Well, for your honesty I won’t chastise you for my time you’re taking
And from the stain on the front of your bicycle shorts I see you’re not faking,
But first off to get some you best start calling it love making.
Secondly, wear loose clothes so women don’t see your dick quaking,
Thirdly try not talking so much as it leads to the want to be a breaking
And soon enough you’ll find yourself in a sexual oven baking.”
“Well, thank you my darlin’ lass!
You gave me something to think about with a heapin’ helpin’ of class!
Before I go I would remiss to say that you have a fantastic ass
And most likely tonight it’ll be the focus when I’m a polishing my brass.”
The fortune teller couldn’t believe Johnny had such a tact lack;
She should have really from his comments been taken aback –
But it had been a slow day and she needed at least fifty to get her crack
So deep down her standards did she pack
And said with forced flair and knack:
“I see that you have a shortness on top as I can see down below;
Ordinarily I’d offer a horny man for an extra twenty a blow
But I can’t pucker that small so give me ten and you can suck on my camel toe…
Hell, you’re so small you could even stick it in and I’ll probably wouldn’t know –
So what do you say? Care to give it a go?”
So soon Johnny is back on the farm and feelin’ quite happy;
His perception of the reality of the incident with the fortune teller quite gappy –
In fact he made in his mind to be romantic, really quite sappy.
But in a month or so after his dick turns black and smells like a used nappy
He’ll be figurin’ that he really should of spent a couple of bucks on a rubber cappy….