Here sit I with paper and pens grip’d tauntly by thine hands
Lost between selfish want and what love’s beating drum demands
As the harsh’d eye of sun scans sternly across these mortal lands.
To this of forewarn I pray thee heed
Be ye a maiden whose path hardens to desire’s need
Or crone who hast nary whim of lust to loins doest speed –
Seek not resolution of a broken heart in yonder forest clear
For tis not lightness in the end upon your face will fall a tear
But the heaviness of untruth upon your soul that within will arrear
Pure ne’er a descript of mine,
Nightly I sat at the pub sipping wine
With teasingly display’d breasts as a sign
That for a price a man had no need to pine.
Wisen’d to the world of men and their lustful needs
Did I ply the trade of their plunging into where only a woman bleeds
For the useless spilling into a barren pit of their seeds
It was just aft thine twenty-eigth year did itself announce,
Aft twelve years of faned passion of strangers pelvic bounce
Did enter a man that of the past I wish’d for I could renounce.
Of the whispered truths dastardly of me said to he
Ne’er once did he offer a purchased love of me –
Instead talked of the travels that one should see
And of the world as it should be.
Seven months strolled nigh and gone yet night upon night
Between false ignorance of other men’s nip’d backroom’d bite
Listen’d did I to his insight,
Wishing that hint’d pleasure in me he’d partake to delight –
Yet of this open invite he never did.
Lock’d in those hazel’d eyes was a want for my hand
Naught for a meter’d sexual demand
But for a treasury of seasons of shared understand
To my want did I suffer for his surrender!
To wake each morn wrap’d together so tender
Longingly tortured was I by a life fantasy did render.
What madness would have to rot his mind away?
For he to ask of me with him to stay –
For thine soil’d repute be of no matter
Then endure the same of his name around be splatter?
At the height of frustrate and forlorn of ne’er to be familiar with his touch
Went I to an inn that of me the residents knew not much,
Squandering the night of last’s earning
Til condition’d with face flush, stomach churning
Morose to find desire not drown’d but all the more burning.
The sun had just begun to set outside during my hazed attempt at forget
When a dourly crone beckon’d me over to where she was set.
“Heard I of your lament, dear child,” she said,
“Do you truly wish to tumble backward to the begin of how your life you led?
It so there is a way to annul your sin’s debt.
Of a place I tell thee
Magic’d strong that affects all amid
Not far off a clearing hid
within ringlet of ancient oaken tree
Where what is not can be
North west of this place starts to it the path
Mark me well,
To alter your natural fate
To all you know it will inundate
For what is extolled will deeply inside you dwell
Be it saintly or wrath.”
Of the place she talked more to which I thanked her verily for her advise
And left to seek out this path ere courage would demise
Partially convinced that the woman was agedly wise
Yet feeling it was a drunken hag’s inspired pint of lies
Stumble and fall many time did I as if the woods around me my goal try to disway
Had I not been desperate I would have look’d for this another time during the day
But the hopes of a goodly life vividly in my mind did play
Much the so that I did not hear the frighten’d whisper or flutter behind
Of creatures with me were expressing dismay
Hurriedly more the more as closer I came to a deal to me want’d lover to bind.
Not but twenty minutes had I began my walk
When upon my end of a wall of oak trees did I stalk.
Don’t enter, turn around and leave did I imagine I heard the wind talk
But enter did I the narrow branch fill’d clearing gate
Though a moment erefore twas not there yet that I did not contemplate
As my sole thought was on the man that I want’d for my mate.
I look’d ‘round the clear so desolate and drear –
The inner oaks were bent and curl’d towards a hollow’d center stone,
Leaf-less with the branches the hue of bleach’d bone.
No grass was neath my feet
There was only the echo of the odd far off tweet
Steal’d my will against the urge to run fast
I set upon the ritual the woman had told me to do to erase the past:
“To call one who can take your wish and make it last,
To the stone into you shall make a thick firm paste
From your own bodily waste –
Do it quickly, with much haste
As the warmth of the mixture hurry’s the coming with the aromatic taste.”
I hunched atop the stone with my my dress at pull’d to my waist,
Releasing from both as instructed into the roughly chip’d out tonne bowl
Then mix’d to a pudding with my hands til smooth
Trying with not much success of adding the contents of my stomach
As the yellow and drown separate became one that meld’d to my five finger
That I was sure that e’er more would it under my nails be to linger.
“Once you feel that your mixture is done
Quickly handful by handful to the very west tree run
To make an outline of a door
And leave just a bit in the stone for your rest
Which you will rub all over your bosomly chest
Then sit at the tree to the very east and wait with back turn’d for what is in store.”
Four trips I did take with the distasteful sludge in hand
Half expecting the woman to pop out and laugh as a ruse had been plan’d.
With nothing left to hold my esteem high
I discarded my dress and let my nakedness be given to the sky
Then rubbed my breasts with the last of the bodily refuse
And sat down with no idea if someone came my condition to excuse.
Out not too far in yonder forest
From the thick mist came a cherub times three
Shouting “stop this madness we beg of thee!”
Looked snidely did I at the cherubs to then thus at I swore
“For what ever for?
You know as well as I what my future has in store –
To end up broken, beaten, alone, poor –
Is that not the way of the likes of me, a whore?
Be gone, return to where ye be whence
If you had cared erefore ne’er would I have had to jump love’s fence.”
The blue eyes of the cherubs turned to smoke grey
As one by one they did say,
“What you seek is not how one gets love to stay
It must be given not taken away.
Time after time given you were the chance
But you never took note over the gold in their satchel you did fance –
Truth is neither heavy nor light but comes with balance.
Leave now, drop your decadence
For it tis ne’er too late for you to start anew
And let us be with you and show you what to do.”
I had almost decided to heed their tidal wave of word
Thinking that what I was attempt to do was absurd
But a flash of lightning three
Dissolved the three cherub hovering in front of me.
The moon I saw loomed above at its very high
When sounds of crackled twigs behind told that soon not alone would be I.
I heard grunts and phlegm strangled rasps –
To flee how I want’d to try
But if I wish’d for this bed and in it I must lie.
“You may run yet lass, I think, perhaps,”
A voice akin to burning cedar chip cinders said to my unutter’d thought.
Picture and story had I seen and heard of what this person to resemble
The forest green pants and jacket with vest sparkling of gold
Of a portly sort fashion’d by many a neighbourly pint of ale
Comfortable most telling a tale
Sat upon a well worn hay bale
A jovial face, rounded with a light-heart’d grin,
Gleeful green’d eyes with hair of fiery life passion from top of his merry cap to chin,
Daintily suckling upon a corn cob pipe –
Pleasant, amusing – what tripe!
Yet naught one of those came to him close:
What before me disspell’d the goodly hype –
Brown rag’d bits of cloth draped loosely on a twisted gnarl’d body
Skeletal face, sharply pinch’d and pale,
A stench of meat rot’d and stale –
If not for the mat’d tuft under the lip no idea would I of woman or male.
Rather than be irate I my repulsion he did seem to bask
Demanding curtly why brought was he – what was the task?
“Yet I am unsure of what you ask,”
My response to him softer than a new born kitten mew’d.
Chortle did he as with unnormal exaggerate walk to in front of my face.
“Come now, I know to what dream you are beholden to, lass,
Of white doves, bells and a sacred mass,
Of a large cake all a sparkle from a demi-glasse
Most important the impression of innocence and purity, class
That is what you desire for that is what your wishes deeply into you bask.”
The words he said did describe what I dreamt yet the words from he came so cold
That I did not know whether this choice of action was wrongly bold.
Quietly I answered, “I wish to be a woman a man would be proud to behold.”
A famish’d snake did the Brownie’s face seem to expand and lenghthen
As a smile of missing or yellow’d fang’d teeth to his eyes the hue ken,
Said he, “Ah the chasms women cross for the simplistic amuse of men.”
Closed my eyes did I as even closer did he come his breath my breasts among
Biting my lower lip hard as I felt the moistness of his tongue
Cleaning the filth from my womanly mounds
With loud and ravenous slurping sounds.
Roughly without care
The Brownie moved my hands from my sex place there
And pushed me to the ground leaving me open – I could feel his stare.
“Pity,” he did say, “Such a well used vessel you have to me brought
Almost seems a waste to take away all the use its got –
But you have followed the rules and harken’d me to this spot
So I will grant you the relief of your perceived blot…
I heard his bony legs creak as he bent down in front of my hips unadorn
And tighter closed my eyes did I at his warn;
A whimper escaped my lips as I felt a sharp talon enter the hole in back
I could feel the flesh being torn inside like a carriage track.
“Bah, child don’t fake protest,” the Brownie did snap,
“The very feel of this tells that my finger is not the largest that in it has tap
I would even go to say that it was used oft as a penile trap!”
What he would do next I wish’d never did I feel
But with an upward flick of his talon my muscle and flesh did he peel;
What had been separate now were one to the heavens open
And I could feel tugs amongst the fluids that spew’d
The ground neath were with them soppin’.
Brownie was enjoying himself and comment’d rude
That if only my intended lover could have seen me now nude
And appreciated the tramp instead of a prude.
The forest clearing echo’d as if it were a bodiless and moss’d forgotten tomb
On the leaf’d and vibrant side of the oak lined room
The cherubs fluttered hurriedly as if to quiet the snarled and gnashed incant
That roared outwardly from the inside
And they cried
For the who took the option of ease over self-accomplish’d pride.
The cherubs still’d as they heard the sound of the lass’s wail
And concede they did that they did for her fail;
Thus with nothing left for them to do to save her from her own fall
With knowing that the sad end they could not forestall
Disappeared back into the thick mist that surrounds all
Existing only to to ensure effort is taken so that passion doest not annul.
I tried but could not move
Too weak from the blood loss
Feeling the Brownie slicing my sex organs on my stomach did gloss
While his knee was lock’d to cover his talon created groove.
“From the very pits of the true way of man I call,
Harken to my side and make this discard like a newly crafted doll,”
I thought for a moment that no more I could take – it was enough
The brownie shouted as rolled in his hands my innards gruff
“Resew the seal that was long ago broken
For a man to see her as a virginal token!”
I opened my eyes to see black mists with red cat’s eyes swirling above
And that several were on the Brownie’s hands like they were a glove
As the mud’d blood did reverse to slink once again to the inside
I wonder’d the price of the one who e’er so much lusted to be a bride.
The numbness I had began to feel in my below
as I could feel the Brownie back in me the organs sew’
The moon did not seem to move an inch
When the Brownie stepped out of my legs and to them give a pinch.
“I am done what you have bade,
But now for that you will heed my services a trade.
I will not demand from you anything yet
But soon I will come to you to seek out my get.”
Hardly able to keep myself to any level of alert
To die here I did not wish and plead’d for him not to desert,
The brownie then disappear’d along with the mud’d door
Leaving me lone to disorient and curl up with sore.
Gone was he
Alone was me.
Of how the Brownie’s lair I left and to back down the path I did make,
How did I or another of re-dressing erefore my leave,
What occurred I tumbled fro and back of whether to believe –
know not I as memory I did not take
Only of my enchanted lover’s arms enfold’d firm around my waist doest recall wake.
All that mattered now was that he of me together we could love make;
The barriers afore our pairing had been drop’d
All that had been of lurid whisper stop’d;
That next night did he on knee with a ring the question he pop’d.
The night of our wed I found that as my husband my body did explore
Twas that the sex’d no longer was that of a long burden’d whore
But the blood’d first of one who had never laid with a man before ‘
What the Brownie had said upon that night now made sense –
I no longer mared night about his claw’d incidence.
Two months past with my love and my new life,
Relish’d did I in being a homemaker and wife –
Learn’d anew the of living that was opposite of the old strife,
Even thrill’d that food was cut instead of as intimidate ruse a butcher knife.
To enter a bed with the same man at the end of each day,
Familiar lips and tickling stubble between my legs that I did splay
Meeting his excite with my own not contrived but honest display
Ne’er did I imagine that partner’d bound content I would stay.
More the so by the sixth month of our married nest
I saw a doctor because of stomach sickness and uneven rest
Who told us of what I thought was not possible and a jest
That pregnant was I so to be at ease for that remedy was the best.
A day had past at most of the news so bless’t
In bed were husband and I
He a snore while to get comfortable with my condition did I
When through the dark clear sky did several lightning strikes present
To preoccupied was I to wonder what they meant.
By chance looked to the far corner of the bedroom I did-
Oh to have not so the glow of yellowish eyes from my mind I could rid
As the Brownie stood with glare
Hands folded in the corner –how he dare!
“Begone! You’re presence here is for I of which I do not care!”
Close to me he came til right beside he stood,
A sneer cross’d his lips as he slur’d, “Surely you are aware
As his mouth’s edges unsurl’d, “That now carry for me an heir”
Tapped did he upon my new belly’d plumpness, “In there.
So your tone best change for our child’s good.”
A step back the Brownie did take
“What a beautiful birth it will be,” he continued to spake,
“and how delicious it’ll be to feast on your husband’s heartbreak
When he sees nary a quirk of himself newly cast
Tell me my dear, do you think of your treachery he’ll look past?
For tis only true love that sets roots firm and spread out vast,
What I gave you was never meant to last”
My breath I had all but lost,
As the horror of preconceived family future was toss’t –
Content and sound did my borrow’d love sleep
As a sickness gnarl’d itself within me deep
Of the undoing less than a year of what my desire had thought it could keep.
Snort did he as lightning outside quick’d
Then gone was he sate that a foolish whore knew that she’d been trick’d
The bought happiness he had sold back had he now nick’d.
Close not once did my eyes as I wept silently, scraped raw, stark
Fearing that I would not peer into a mirror save in the dark.
Still in mourn for the loss of what I had ever so much did yearn,
Upon waking my shill’d love ask what was wrong out of concern;
How much was real not imposed I wish’d I could discern –
Answerless he left out the door for his day,
Disappearing over the horizon I watched and thus did pray –
I bade thee my bedeviled lover to grant me forgive
Though hate will ravage thoughts I fear as long as you live.
So here sit I with paper and pens grip’d tauntly by thine hands
Lost between selfish want and what love’s beating drum demands
As the harsh’d eye of sun scans sternly across these mortal lands.
Ache of thine heart o’er what forced love within hast build
Knowing to free yet blossom’d soul from eterne Hell it is to be kill’d
Erefore upon its face’s warmth the wind doest make it chill’d
And because of I ne’er to know the life of what he would had will’d…