Cigarette smoke blows against the cement wall

 I sit in this darkness

the blown fist of cigarette smoke

curls and dissipates

against the cement wall reminiscent of the way my mind’s defences

 crumbled to moment my eyes cast upon

the single ribbon of brunette hair

that hung seductively down the front side of your ear

 in defiance of follicle pruning that some coif gardener had spent hours shaping

I had involuntarily surrendered myself to you

 even before I saw that red neon reflection of the Pepsi sign

glistening in the shining wetness of those aqua greens 

 I tried to play it cool and straight ignoring you

 but for the merest of innocently lecherous grazes past close

 perhaps the breeze of my passing would arouse your curiosity

yet far enough that peach shampoo and the berry skin crème could dance

upon the entirety of the olfactory ballroom without disturb

you would tell me later that it was the lopsidedness of my demeanour

 how suave can a guy really be with a pack of half crushed Players

rolled up in a Bulbasaur baby blue T?

that’s the thing, ain’t it?

Those who are said to be in the know indicate that to be in love is to give yourself over to another

 sadistic son of a bitches they are

want to become whole?

Hell, then do a little mental self amputation!

Bleed

writhe with the cold sharpness

funny how the reason you gave

was that I was not the man you met

because in the trade of interest to dys

the mirrors could only show the one dimensionalness

of the who you wished me to be

just as the lowly pea under your regal mattress

innocently meant to test to perturb it would seem

only to feel the crush of what the world owes you

that armless in my spherical greenness I could not support

the blown fist of cigarette smoke curls and dissipates

Just as I fear that one day your memory of me shall

Starving

isolating

that mental mutilation given freely in a time now past

 that the hole that your warmth had deluded me to believe healed

will become diseased

without your disinfect

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9 thoughts on “Cigarette smoke blows against the cement wall

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