Cigarette smoke blows against the cement wall

 I sit in this darkness

the blown fist of cigarette smoke

curls and dissipates

against the cement wall reminiscent of the way my mind’s defences

 crumbled to moment my eyes cast upon

the single ribbon of brunette hair

that hung seductively down the front side of your ear

 in defiance of follicle pruning that some coif gardener had spent hours shaping

I had involuntarily surrendered myself to you

 even before I saw that red neon reflection of the Pepsi sign

glistening in the shining wetness of those aqua greens 

 I tried to play it cool and straight ignoring you

 but for the merest of innocently lecherous grazes past close

 perhaps the breeze of my passing would arouse your curiosity

yet far enough that peach shampoo and the berry skin crème could dance

upon the entirety of the olfactory ballroom without disturb

you would tell me later that it was the lopsidedness of my demeanour

 how suave can a guy really be with a pack of half crushed Players

rolled up in a Bulbasaur baby blue T?

that’s the thing, ain’t it?

Those who are said to be in the know indicate that to be in love is to give yourself over to another

 sadistic son of a bitches they are

want to become whole?

Hell, then do a little mental self amputation!

Bleed

writhe with the cold sharpness

funny how the reason you gave

was that I was not the man you met

because in the trade of interest to dys

the mirrors could only show the one dimensionalness

of the who you wished me to be

just as the lowly pea under your regal mattress

innocently meant to test to perturb it would seem

only to feel the crush of what the world owes you

that armless in my spherical greenness I could not support

the blown fist of cigarette smoke curls and dissipates

Just as I fear that one day your memory of me shall

Starving

isolating

that mental mutilation given freely in a time now past

 that the hole that your warmth had deluded me to believe healed

will become diseased

without your disinfect

Life’s a Beach

One
A singularity in a tub
Diffusing into nothingness
Its premiere spent
-over-
Unjustified ambiguity
Lost in the storm of taste
As a grain of salt snuggled deep
Within a corn fritter
-meaningless –
– without accompanied sameness of like grains

Two, three, four that strives for five
I saw the tongue melted mariachi tango
Not that it would be noticed
As slickly does the one glide with twisted elegance against an other
Though not expecting that a third too to two
Yet but not for long

Six, seven, eight, nine and then comes to ten
The cascade of heat and musk
Liquefied the sight
More the so
When standing far enough away
The misted kisses curl up from your toes
Like poison racing in the bloodstream
To the heart
That despite
The need for calm
Pushes the accelerator to the floor

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen that is seen pre-fifteen
Castigation is your earn
If left is your will
To sit simply on the beach
Watching the world around
Trapaizing merrily sullen along
Destined to burn
To feel your essence parch and wrinkle
In the idleness of solitude
Sixteen, seventeen, eighteen blurrily to nineteen
Yet to hurl into the white tipped crests
Forced to focus on the here and now
Fearing to stop
Lest
To sink
The world becomes the horizon
Never to breached
Surrounded
Are you
Ever fighting through the thickness of the pressure
As yells of
“Go under, go under and see its beauty”
Leads to selfishly reserving the airiness of within
As it bombards every pore to gain entry
To saturate
To bring in its own
Til of you there is nothing
And all of the elasticity of movement is taut
To be bloated to such un-resemble

Forty comes with burden of eyelid and tongue heavy
A strafe across is for the uncommitted
Earning not truth of concern but a tired pity
That evokes the genetic memory that one must emote
To be considered better
Empowered to look down upon
To objectify to the lowest common denominator
To beseech to amnesia of what had been the uniqueness of the ago
Life is cheap in the shallows
But to swim then to expensive elegance
Of the deep
Has the bank of self worth been broken
For the troubled vortexes
Swirls counter to the wise
It’s a shallow world from the razor’s track
To sink below the surface
To appear to have depth
Drops become a drizzle
Turning clarity to pinkish blur in dispersal
All to succumb
For a world of uncare that perhaps
Will not even be there

I would like to say a big thanks to the folks at the Poet’s Rally for this award; much appreciated and look forward to spending the weekend reading some outstanding material from the talent out in cyber poetic wilds.

Upon innocent query ponder did I

Upon innocent query ponder did I

Of a reject not just of bed’d inhabit

But invite to share within the mind

To see not the dastardly inact did I respond

But of fear’d care gone soon

 It was how I answered the question

Tis but the bared essence of want

That has left me done un

Accustom’d verily so am I

With tankards of its diluted quaff

For it servers surround

To haggle

To waggle

To bedazzle

To partake in their impotent draught

Truth be said its tingle

Of pleasure does it bring

And a yearn for a gulp

In over abundance

Does thirst render in sated pretend

In produce for consumption of all

The zing but bubbles without consequence

Yet in a smiled dew drop’d concentrate

A feather’d touch scores the flesh deep

A scar cover’d by the warmth of another’s own

Is a thing

To be scar’d open to all to know

Is far too rich of burden to bear

Of Failed relationships

I remember the very moment that much I can tell

When the one did I adore

Become of whom did I abhor

After being free from the spell

That placed upon me she did so well

Twas not this spring but the one last

That alone I was to the core

Unaware for me what was in store

A magic that upon was cast

To be agreeable over sighting the contrast

Alone I sat in dim lit bar at a table

Toasting to beside me an empty chair once more

One after one did down I my throat pour

To the dys-proof of the happily ever after fable

To the apparent applause of the sports crowd on the bar’s cable

Hour upon hour did my dreary’d celebrate pass

To any who near’d snidely did I roar

Of the fallacies of love and its lore

So much so did I bear no witness to the lass

Who enter’d that soon enough attend religiously would I like mass

She sat down beside saying she had heard my rant

Patted my hand as she said that though my heart be sore

But hardly such was a reason to be this much of a bore

Because though wish’d annul’d to can’t

The emotions a person feels are akin to the strength of an elephant

At first did I guffaw at the notion so rich

I should have pointed to the door

Wallowing deep in my anti-implore

But instead I accused her of being a bitch

In swallowing the Hallmark sales pitch

Through out my growl’d position of curt

Like time upon time before

The cured poison of amor

Despite my guard harsh and alert

Did into my heart itself insert

Consider of the disgust of which I spoke

Of the emotional mutilation and gore

Of diseased mind curse by a vampiric whore

Yet in the late morn when did I awoke

Beside me she lay as the punch line of life’s bitter joke

To me again did open Heaven’s gate

Of her I was a ravenous carnivore

Each command or wish I could not ignore

To please and fulfil her til a smile of sate

All for the title of being her mate

Months pass’d quick in passion’s bright

Til the time came to my every chore

Where response to the effort was poor

Though as hard as I might

Cold wrapped ‘round me instead of her each night

“Such a loser you are” she said

Ten times day – I kept score

And with each did the rosy hue into it tore

No matter how soft did I tread

It would be met with “I wish you were dead”

I knew once again that want of me did best

Fallen for of what had been had in yore

Let go without knowing it anew I would restore

Gone is she on a better’s quest

Left am I with emptiness within my chest

I remember the very moment that much I can tell

When the one did I adore

Become of whom did I abhor

After being free from the spell

That placed upon me she did so well….

In Response to a lady’s offer of Constant Accompaign

Ah, you are but the sweetest of fallacies, are you not!

Aye at a telescopic glance the shore must look ideal

Take no offence to the refusal of your shore

But preferred it is to be afloat within the ocean

The perception of futility it may seem

Treading the waters with no assured stand beneath

Hoping only to get temporary reprieve from a stray timber afloat as well

As it bobs and sloshes drunkenly atop the foamed crests

Before my weight causes it to sink wholly into the wetness

As my grasp slithers off

but

It will breech the surface of the waves soon enough

and I will not extend my hand for it

As I know the only destination

The timber has

To some distant shore

Where it will just another piece of drift wood amongst the many

Perhaps it will be picked up,

Carved,

Molded,

Burnt,

All for the amusement of some collector of baubles

Lest ere fore the shore buries it and it becomes forgotten evermore

Cowardice?

I would be abhorred if a speck of its jaundice upon there is

Surely tis the opposite that ye opine I squander within

As the sere form of coupledom surely doest make it

Bloated awash am I to lap,

To sway,

To strive to thrive

Without weighty anchor of empathetic inaction upon another’s wishes not shared

Nay to acceptance of being but a bauble say I, dear lady

For a symbol of love and care are never a gift

But loaned

Just as loned one is when dream doth arrive

Not of the pretty display to which with you resides

But the promise of the one seen

Lapping freely upon the waves distant.

Thoughts of a pressured virgin under his lover’s window on the night of the first time

Why stand here do I wasting time? 

To hear the talk to be sexed is sublime –

to be proved by that window into climb.

Yet this begin I retard continuing to an un-enact in darkened yard. 

Why did I boast so loud the lover’s card? 

Frozen as if unstudied for a final graded test,

I should be agog with visions of her body upon my chest,

 snug and warming as a parka’s inside vest. 

She oft has said to be mine,

quite aloud with not subtle sign –

why question do I her verbal design? 

It is a slight matter to put my head in to peek,

to see if now her eyes I am the one she does seek –

 if yes, what if too soon I over flow, already I leak. 

Enough, I must know what the night has in store –

 be it in her bed or abet to her on the floor,

it is time to sink or soar.

Pushed to this I was,

not for purpose but just because –

 damn my egotistical buzz.

 I could walk way without even a try,

if she would ask me why

 I could just answer with a sigh

to my intended action who would tell her such a lie? 

Would serve that rat well,

for trying to interlope into where he should not dwell.

 But to my love a disappoint I cannot to myself or to her sell.

I’m getting married today

I’m getting married today

I thought I’d drop you a note that I’m getting married today

All because of you in a strange round-about way

I know you’ll never understand because you keep passion personal – chilled

But every word you spoke I took into me which endlessly thrilled

With a whole and a wanting heart I followed the treads you left on the ground

Hoping that just once you’d sense me and turn around

To see that there was one who knew with every ‘I don’t care’ you lied

It was that you cared too much but buried it deep inside

When I felt lost you rode to me like a shiny armored knight

But you concern yourself with such onslaught of dragons you are blind to your own plight

How can one so sure in his own ideal and assert

Not realize that his effect though not his intent make a woman hurt?

For the longest time I held on to the hope that by silently shuffling alee

One day you’d awake in you what you awoke in me

But I came to realize asleep forever you are

And even if your eyes were to open you’d never let yourself fall that far

None of my advances did you act on overt or on the sly

Would it surprise you if I said over your indifference I did cry?

A year after I gave up on getting you to see that you weren’t alone

I met a man who saw the woman you could have known

I’m getting married today

Thank you for showing me my true self is all that I have to say.